Home has been tough. I’ve maybe had the worst week ever. Being sick made me panic and that made me even sicker. My body wouldn’t stop moving. I think I named myself “marathon” for how much I ran. I’m going to lose weight. I finally took some medicine to get my panic more in control.
I’m longing to feel like myself. I’m close. I’ve been learning so much about myself, though. I’m going to mention a few things.
First, I am managing to make progress against mania in two ways. One is my getting obsessed with something. I can fight against that brain guy with my smarts and logic. The other is battling what my eyes do to my brain when I see something moving fast or with lots of designs. I hear screaming in my head. I can’t outsmart that but I can make that go away by using my amazing listening. Music is a lifesaver again.
Mom and I also listened to this book dad found about brains and how we think [Daniel Kahneman, Thinking, Fast and Slow]. That was awesome.
Mom says what doesn’t kill you makes you stronger. I’m proof of that!
Jace at the Nutcracker performance
I want to talk about how “my name is Jace” is so easy to say. Rob [my music therapist] taught me a great song that includes that line and now I hear it so it’s much easier to say. Next up is getting better at “I want” and we have lots of great songs for that like Cheap Tricks [“I Want You to Want Me”] and the Backstreet Boys [“I Want It That Way”]. I’m going to practice that next.
I was awesome yesterday! My awesomeness included great talking and my climbing all the way up a massive rock wall. When I got to the top, everyone clapped and cheered!!
The most hard question to answer is an open-ended one. I’m digging for an answer but am never sure it’s right. I’m mostly hating how I’m so scared to fail.
Talking works the same. Do you realize how open ended talking is?!
This gave me a lot to think about. I got to the point where my nerves have gotten better.
My attitude has changed. I am lame how I hate being wrong. Many times I’d rather say nothing. Maybe I’m holding myself back. But I’m going to give myself a break.
Mom, you were helpful when you pointed out that I could practice talking in my head. I’m going to try that. No more making myself too scared to try.